why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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