great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
