Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
