So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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