I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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