I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
