google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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