are you still at the devil's house?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
