I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
