I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
