I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
