New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You have to summon your inner elephant
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
