Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
