I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
