I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
