Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
