It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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