My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You made out with two different species that night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's what I'm talking about
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.