Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.