I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine