I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
