Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
