I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
