I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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