My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
