I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
