Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
