how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
