Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
