i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
