FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
