Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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