I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
