yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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