It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have feelings that need drinking.
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Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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