Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
