Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Slut skills are useful in every country.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
