i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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