I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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