i may or may not be watching the land before time
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
