dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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