I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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