he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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