And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
