He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
