I'm lost and stupid without you.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
