just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
