he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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