I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
