I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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