Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
