After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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