I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
