i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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