Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
