I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
