Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
