After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
