How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
