literally had 100 drinks last night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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