youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
