Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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