Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
