we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the liver wants what the liver wants
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
