i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
